How to work with anger (that just won’t go away) Q&A
A reader writes:
The other day I realized that I’m still holding anger towards my father – and I’m trying to figure out the best way to deal with it, or not, I suppose.
What an honest reflection!
We want to change . . . and we don’t.
The mind is always ambivalent when it comes to facing and transforming it’s own patterns of limitation.
Who hasn’t looked into the mirror of truth . . . and quickly glanced away?
When it comes to facing and transforming anger, sadness, and fear – it takes a lot of courage, compassion, and skillful means.
Transformation starts with the sobering realization that – “I’m still holding anger.”
You’re holding it. Just feel that . . . Don’t explain. Don’t defend. Just feel it.
And, don’t worry. You’re not alone.
Holding on is one of the mind’s core competencies.
The mind is sticky, gluey, and tends towards holding.
The mind is naturally divisive and holds on to its self-generated battles. That’s why humans love war. (Have you noticed?)
War is so familiar. It feels natural and allows our internal divisiveness to be neatly sorted out into we-are-good versus they-are-bad! Having enemies is so strangely comforting.
The mind is easily caught up in struggle and the inner battle.
It’s the nature of conditioned mind.
And as Albert Einstein pointed out . . . this battle that can’t be resolved at the same level of consciousness that generated the battle to begin with.
The very solutions that the mind conceives are by-products of the struggle itself.
Relief distracts the mind from inner turmoil but doesn’t transform it.
When the mind is in cease-fire mode, things are quiet – on the surface.
It’s the lull before the storm.
The mind can be like that Western town.
You really can’t put karma on hold.
The emotional reactivity is unresolved.
- Discern and follow the direction of your inner authority
- Pursue your purpose with focus and consistency
- Trust yourself and set clear boundaries
- Tap the energy you need to live your dream
Because, your father karma isn’t primarily about your father.
Your relationship with your father – your father karma – is a mirror.
To the surface mind, your father is out there.
The anger – or more precisely the holding of the anger – is happening in your consciousness.
This pattern of anger is a knot in your consciousness that the thinking mind cannot (and will not) untangle. The thinking mind doesn’t have the perspective to untangle the knot. It’s part of the entanglement.
If thinking could untangle the knots of anger, it would have.
Just sit with that for a moment. Without blame or judgment – notice how the patterns of anger, holding, and struggle hold your life hostage.
See, feel, and know without blame or judgment. This isn’t thinking. It’s meditative awareness.
Meditative awareness transcends the mind’s entanglements and resolves the mind’s ambivalence.
After all, that’s all the mind knows. But, there are deeper levels of knowing within you.
Levels that transcend the karmic battle ground of inner struggle. Levels that are revealed through meditation practice.
By awakening to and engaging those deeper levels you free your mind from anger. You liberate your life and tap the generative power of fathering to bring forth a life of greater creativity, purpose, and joy.
Meditation releases the mind from self-defeating entanglement with anger, fear, and doubt.
Stop trying to resolve the mind’s ambivalence. All that trying tightens the knots.
Take a step back and sit down.
Yes, take your seat.
Moment by moment, cultivating meditative awareness, you end the war.
With this breath, you release anger . . . ahhhhhh.
With this next breath, you see it reappear . . . Okay, nothing to struggle with. Just return to the practice.
As you stop struggling against the anger, the anger stops harassing you.
As anger releases, a new relationship with the fathering energy of life emerges.
What are they?
Let’s practice and find out.
Love & Shanti
E & D
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